I’m almost down to the last of the bag of coffee beans I usually buy.

I have a new bag…a fresh bag…waiting in the cupboard for me so it’s not even some weird minor “emergency” that I’ve almost finished with this bag.  I’m covered on the coffee angle.

I’ve got this coffee thing under control.

The thing that’s going to be different for me this time is that I chose a different kind of coffee when I picked out the new bag.

This coffee was on sale.

This bag is an “espresso roast”, whatever that means.  I’ve had an espresso before…I think I remember liking it…but there was a big price difference between  the new coffee and what I usually buy and like…so I ended up buying the cheaper coffee.

At the time, I inwardly gloated about saving the money. I didn’t tell anyone else…but it made me feel like a “good hunter” to figure out which coffee would save me the most money.

Why and how did I get so cheap?

And what exactly is an “espresso roast”?  A really dark roast?

What have I done?

I think about what it means to live a “big life” all the time.

A life of surprise and adventure would have to be a good thing…it’s a good thing to shoot for.

But they say that God is in the details…some people do say that….and when I’m looking at a big bag of unfamiliar coffee beans, I have to wonder if sometimes it isn’t better to just suck it up and pay the price for the thing I really want.

Maybe I’m just selling myself short with all these bargains?

I know that there is a certain fatalistic amusement factor to driving a car with a lot of quirks.

You can “buy quirks” when you’re cheap enough with yourself.  There’s usually a reason things become a bargain.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just spending the money on something decent to begin with, though. Maybe that’s part of getting older and wiser.  Maybe it’s a part of getting older and more tired.

The thrill of some self-prescribed cheap excitement is pretty much gone.

I think I read somewhere that adventure comes from making bad decisions.  I’m paraphrasing what I read…I can’t remember the exact quote…but I think it was something along those lines.

I’ve had a lot of adventures in the “cheap cars” I’ve owned over the years… and I’ve learned a little about fixing cars out of necessity.  I also have a swirling catalog up in my head of all the things that can possibly break or go wrong when you’re operating a motor vehicle.

Maybe wisdom does come from experience…but I think that fear does, too. I fear the unknown…and I fear what I expect to happen based on past (bad) decisions.  I fear repeating the “possible” that I set in motion with my cheapness.

Wisdom… and fear.

My “bargains” have bought me both.

I am wise beyond my years in the matter of the repercussions of being cheap.  I know repercussions like the palm of my hand.

Getting back to the coffee…I don’t know what lies in store for me when I brew the first french press.

“Brew the first french press?! You don’t brew a french press!! ”  Somebody who knows is possibly having a problem with that thought.  What’s correct?  “Cook” a french press? Boil it?  “Make a french press of coffee”… I’ll go with that.

I don’t know what “espresso roast” really means.  I don’t know what is going to happen.

It’s just another small adventure in the misguided pursuit of a “big life”.

Emphasize the small.