I didn’t run this morning.
My hip was bothering me….so I didn’t run.
It’s good to feel like I’m not on a treadmill. I can get off when I want to. I don’t have to run everyday.
Yesterday, I did run.
It’s starting to get cooler here at night. I can tell that Fall has arrived. It just feels kind of transient…like something even more different will be coming soon.
One thing that I noticed on my runs is that the road is sporadically littered with luminescence.
There are a lot of dead or dying fireflies on the road in the cool, early morning.
There’s not enough of them to completely light my way…just enough to make me notice them.
How hopeful they must be to light up in the warm early evening…and then, as it cools off later in the night, to die.
That’s what they do, though. They live… right up till the last-minute.
And I doubt they’re conscious of what’s coming for them. I don’t give fireflies that much credit for cognizant ability. They just fly around, light up for a while, and then die. That’s the way it goes for a firefly.
They don’t get their ducks in a row.
Fireflies don’t worry about 401k’s or getting ready for the time that will allow them to really enjoy their lives.
They don’t worry about paying their dues.
They just shine while they can…as brightly as they’re able.
You go there, firefly! Good job!
It’s a different kind of beautiful to see them littering the road…a testament to blind persistence. They’re just doing what they know. They’re just “staying the course”. They light up as long as they’re able…and a little bit beyond. Sometimes they light up for a while even after they’re gone.
I hide my light behind worry and misplaced preparation. I hide my light, convinced that it’s not my time to shine. I hide my light because I don’t want to accept the responsibility of potential.
Not knowing is a whole lot easier than trying. Deciding that “I can’t know” is a lot easier than trying.
To jump into the river without worrying about the rocks on the bottom, just willing to be swept along by the cool, blue water…to be so obsessed with a creative activity that it was impossible not to shine out in the anonymous night…to do just out of an unconscious need to do…I guess that’s what I’d shoot for if I could…or would.
Just a firefly lighting up because that’s what fireflies do…they can’t help themselves, that’s what they do.
If you talk to enough creative people, sooner or later you’re going to hear that it’s really just about the work.
If you paint or write..if you press down the keys on the piano or play the guitar, if you just keep doing, then sooner or later inspiration is going to come back to visit you. If you just sustain…if you just maintain…sooner or later it’s going to feel right again.
Ever-present longing is a hard thing to live with, though.
I think it would be nice to figure out how to just shine while I was here.