The rooster woke up shortly after I did again this morning.
I listened to him when he started crowing, and it almost sounded like he was saying, “HE’S UP!! HE’S UP!!! HE’S UP!!!!!”
Maybe it’s my fault that he gets noisy in the morning.
Maybe it’s all me after all.
Maybe it’s not anything to do with me. Maybe he just likes to let the world know that he’s alive.
I have a buddy who I used to talk with about what it would take to find LOVE.
His take on the situation was that it would come when he was worthy of it.
I guess it was kind of like the Holy Grail would show itself rising out of the mists when his heart was pure enough.
Or maybe he’d be the one who could pull the sword out of the stone when the situation and the man were both ready.
When he was ready, he’d meet Ms. Right.
Until that moment arrived, he’d continue on his “quest”.
Worthiness was a big concept. It was a noble concept.
This morning I’m wondering if we’re ever really worthy of anything.
Maybe it’s not something to be earned by our efforts or our self-awareness and improvement.
Maybe it’s all our choices that set the ball rolling.
Maybe we just choose to love.
Choosing to love doesn’t mean we’ll be loved in return, but it has to be a better start than supposing that we deserve to be loved because somehow we found ourselves “worthy” of it.
I hear people say things like, “Oh…we just fell out of LOVE. That’s why we aren’t together. The magic that brought us together just kind of dried up…disappeared one day…blew out like it blew in. Kind of hard to figure, isn’t it? We just kind of FELL OUT OF LOVE.”
“Fell out” like the whole thing was just stubbing your toe or something.
“Oooops, I’m in LOVE”.
I think that when we “fall out of love”, we just run out of endurance…lose our faith. It’s not something magical…we just stopped loving.
Who knows? Not me, for one…but I don’t think it’s a matter of losing our worthiness suddenly.
The whole concept of worthiness just sets us up to wonder just why we can’t find lasting love…and one of the reasons must be that WE WERE NEVER WORTH LOVING.
Not yet worthy, in any case.
We convince ourselves that we “have some work to do”…and when we get it right, we will finally be loved.
I just don’t think I have the confidence in “us” that we ever get it right.
I do believe in “love at first sight”…or maybe just “overwhelming attraction” at first sight.
I think it happens. I know it does.
But the long-term love is a choice. It’s a conscious thing.
More than worthiness, it’s a willingness to love that goes the distance.
If it had been a matter of worthiness, I’d still be alone.
I’d never be ready to accept love if I was convinced that I had to be worthy of it first.
And if someone could love someone as flawed and unworthy as I was…well, there must be something wrong with them.
Surely, someone who was worthy themselves could see my unworthiness a mile away and steer clear of me.
I am never going to be worthy of love because of my efforts.
I don’t have it in me to deserve it.
But I have love in my life.
I guess that’s where grace comes in.
Love is a choice.