How about that Velveeta?


velveeta

The post that I’ve written that’s gotten the most “looks” is one that featured a picture of a giant dog.

People all over the world want to see the picture of the giant dog.  They can’t get enough.

It gets, like, a hundred views a day.

Every other post that I’ve written might get a couple of hits.  I have some faithful friends who’ll read it. Jenny reads it.

People read the blog…but that dog picture really pulls them in.

It is beloved.

So I thought I’d do a post about something that fired up the imagination again.

So here goes….”How about that Velveeta shortage?

It feels like pandering to write a post about a subject that is that obvious.

Who doesn’t love Velveeta? Who? (Other than me…I’m writing this post so I don’t count.  I don’t love Velveeta… but don’t count me.)

Who in their right mind doesn’t love Velveeta?  It’s so soft and meltable.

You can smear it on stuff….heat it and pour it all over things.

What is not to love?

Finally, some competition for a giant Newfoundland dog picture.

This kind of reminds me of the very real Twinkie shortage.

This Velveeta news makes me think that I should throw the contents of the refrigerator out onto the front lawn and go buy enough black market Velveeta to fill the void.

I don’t even like Velveeta…it just seems like it might be a good barter item for TEOTWAWKI…if only TEOTWAWKI (the end of the world as we know it) would hurry up and come before all my cheese spoiled.

But…maybe Velveeta never spoils?  Maybe the magic of chemistry has created a super food that will stand the test of time? I don’t know how it goes with Velveeta…I may have hit the jackpot when I decided to co-opt our refrigerator space to sanctify my greed.

“Sanctify My Greed”….that’s a great name for my first album.

It’s got legs…more legs that a giant black Newfoundland dog.

This whole Velveeta thing sounds like a manufactured emergency to me.

Super Bowl whatever number is coming up and now they trot out that we aren’t going to have enough soft cheese to make it through.

And I believe that’s true.  You never can have enough soft cheese. It’s always an emergency looming over our heads…the media never drew our attention to it before , though.

I believe in Global Warming Climate Change, too…but that’s not really popular to do in some circles these days.

“Look how cold it is?!!! Global Warming is a crock of liberal defecation!!! They ain’t no such thing as Global Warming!!!!”

China-pollution-cc-565x310

Look how yellow that smoke in China is, though…kind of reminds me of Velveeta.

I just want hits. I’m a hit fiend.  I need the hits.

I’ll even write about Velveeta to get them.

There’s a shortage out there and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

Nothing’s the same with only some string cheese to nibble on while we watch the men grab each other.

We need our yellow, soft, meltable cheese.

Fix this cheese thing, America!

Forget about the yellow Chinese smoke for a while…and fix this cheese thing.

About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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