scratching the air

I guess that I don’t see really well in the dark.

I got up an hour earlier than I meant to.

I did press the button to make my watch light up (when I was still in bed)….and I was sure that it said 5:00…but when I got up, and rinsed my face off, I must have washed some funk out of my eyes or something because when I looked at the big clock on the wall, it said 4:00.

Dang.

I hate it when that happens.

It is quiet in the morning….so it’s not a bad thing to be up early….but it’s a shock to the system to realize I was so off base.

The funny thing about it was that until I knew that I’d seen the wrong time…I didn’t feel very tired.

I was in the groove….right on schedule…disciplined and motivated…a man of action with goals to achieve.

The minute that I found out that I’d gotten up an hour earlier than I meant to, I felt like a guy who couldn’t read a digital watch.

There’s a big gap between the two feelings.

And…strangely enough…I felt more tired almost instantly.

Until I knew what time it was and how I was supposed to feel….I didn’t really feel tired.

Our heads are funny things….all that perception and stuff can mess you up.

And then I started thinking about how I feel when I wave back at someone who I think is waving at me, all the time wondering, “Who the heck is that?!”….and then I look around and realize that they were waving at one of their friends who was standing behind me.

I can’t pretend that I was just scratching the air… or something close to that.

I can’t take back a misplaced wave.

Once it’s out of the bottle…it’s out.

There’s nothing I can do at that point.

But…until I knew that it wasn’t me that any of the friendliness was aimed at, I probably felt that the world was a really welcoming place.

“Imagine….my luck at seeing an old friend who I must not remember?! WHAT A LIFE!!”

I would be better off going with that first impression…instead of arriving at the conclusion that I was just a dork with his arm in the air.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

Weird thoughts at 4:00 in the morning.

I guess that what I was thinking is that the way we perceive things is the only real power we can generate on this Earth.

It really is a make or break kind of skill.

Hope or despair…possibility or impossiblilty….love or disinterest….it all gets set in motion by what we think that we see….by what we think that we are.

I guess that we’re either waving….or pretending to scratch the air.

Maybe I should just wave the heck out of my next misplaced wave…..let the other guy wonder, “Look at that dude waving….he acts like he knows me. Does he? Does he know me?! Why can’t I remember him? What’s wrong with me?! Why can’t I remember?”

Just “pass the buck” and let the other guy feel the awkwardness.

That’s not really very kind …but what act of self-protection is ever very kind?

I’ve got to live, too….you know?

About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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