SCISSORS

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THIS POST IS KINDA GROSS.

I THOUGHT IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY.

MY SENSE OF HUMOR DIDN’T PROGRESS MUCH AFTER THE AGE OF 12.

I guess it’s kind of gross….even though it’s a normal event in the life of a small, pampered terrier.

Here’s the deal:

My family and I drove up on the Parkway yesterday to have a picnic.

We pulled into the Craggy Gardens parking area and almost immediately Jenny said, “Oh…..what are they doing to that dog?!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a middle aged couple bent over a white terrier.

I couldn’t tell what they were doing, but to be provocative, I said, “They’re probably trying to scrub out a dingleberry.”

I thought that was kind of farfetched…and gross….and funny….to me.

“DINGLEBERRY!!” I thought to myself. “HAH!!”

When we stopped, the lady came walking over to us.

She had an accent that wasn’t native to North Carolina.

“EXCUSE ME….EXCUSE ME….THIS IS GOING TO SOUND KIND OF WEIRD, BUT YOU WOULDN’T HAPPEN TO HAVE A SMALL PAIR OF SCISSORS THAT I COULD BORROW FOR A MINUTE, WOULD YOU?”

“No….I don’t think so….hmmmm, wait! I have a small pair of scissors on my Swiss Army Knife! You could borrow that…..”

“Oh….” she said. “No….I don’t think you’d want me to use that for this….my dog has a….”

“Is it a dingleberry?” I asked….secretly amazed and excited that, even though I’d only been displaying my inappropriately adolescent sense of humor, I was right.

“It’s OK….we have some wet wipes. I’ll just use those…..”

“I told my husband to trim his butt before we left the house.”

And then this little dog and his dingleberry chased Nate and barked….and made Nate cry a little.

I told the lady that they’d probably be all right if the dog didn’t butt-scoot across the leather of their white Lexus….but she acted kind of nervous about it, so I don’t think that she took my advice to heart.

So, for the rest of the picnic, before these people finished the job and left, if we looked over their way, I could see them wiping this formerly pristine terrier’s behind with a rapidly emptying box of wet wipes.

I’m glad that she didn’t take me up on my offer to use my little scissors.

I never would have offered if I’d known it involved dingleberries.

I cut the cheese with that knife.

I thought it was all kind of embarrassing for those people….wiping a little dog’s butt in a crowded parking lot….but I could sense that they really loved that dog.

Enough to try and borrow my knife.

This story is true.

It’s a wacky life.

“Aqualung” Jethro Tull

Only for the “bends to pick a dog-end” part….

About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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