today, today, today,today…..today

P1030377When you’re a child, I don’t think that you spend a lot of time pondering.

You may ponder logistics….like how to get “up there”….where the cookies/toys/large and dangerous knives…..are….but you don’t reminisce….or regret….or worry about the past or the future.

You don’t have much “past” to worry about.

The “past” isn’t part of your repertoire yet…and you can’t read a clock.

You don’t look back in anger.

You live in the moment.

At least, that’s the way I remember it.

It’s early and I just listened to this James Taylor song again and…..

I’m realizing that it might be smart to approach life like a child sometimes.

That “look back in anger” thought isn’t one that I personally visit too often. I’m not angry about anything. Confused, maybe….but not really angry about anything that I can think of.

I don’t have a wealth of regret.

That’s not where my wealth is.

There’s no value in the time I spend pondering things that I can’t change….now that I am years away from them.

It doesn’t do anything for me.

I know that.

Sometimes, though, I can’t help myself. What can I say? I’m a ponderous person.

I watch these kids and everything’s an immediate need.

They are pretty upfront about what they want….right when they want it.

They don’t hold back.

Most of the time that’s good…but sometimes, it gets bad…..fast.

I don’t know how to handle the “fast and bad” part consistently well, though.

I haven’t tried saying things like, “NO….think about it. Remember that time you pitched the fit in the Transformer section at Walmart and we had to carry you out of the store…..kicking and screaming?That was horrible. I will never be able to forgive you for that and I realize that that is who you are. You are a kicker….and a screamer….and a greedy, little toy mongering boy who will never be anything else. I don’t think that I’ll get over this….ever.”

That would suck to say something like that.

What kid deserves to be pigeonholed before they even get a chance to learn “how to be”?

Not any that I know.

There’s a big difference between “that disappointed me” and “you are a disappointment to me”.

And there is a big ditch that’s hard to get over between what I thought I’d be….and what I am.

That’s what it means to be a grown-up, maybe.

You see the ditch everyday…..and turn around and walk the other way.

You don’t stand at the edge and moan about the unreachable “other side”.

Right?

Maybe you just say, “I never wanted to go there, anyway.”

You put on a brave face and pretend that whatever happens to you or around you is part of the wheel you put in motion….something that you orchestrated….part of your “life plan”.

And you hope that you don’t kill anyone when you lose control and hurtle into the ditch.

It’s not good to figure out what “cruise control” is after you’ve rolled the travel trailerĀ ,either.

That’s pretty darn dramatic.

Life’s pretty darn dramatic.

Maybe it’s better to just live like a kid….eat what you want and find all the toys under the couch….and play….play…play.

That’s simple enough for today….let tomorrow take care of itself.

“believe it or not” James Taylor

About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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