Nate looked at me the other morning like he was studying something, and then he said, “you’re all alone”.
I asked him what he meant and he told me “you’re all alone because both your parents are dead”.
That’s something that we must have talked about at some point.
I don’t really remember.
I think that he’d asked how long my parents had been gone.
It’s funny the things these “little guys” are thinking about. I think they go a lot deeper with their thoughts than we give them credit for.
Not really alone….never alone.
When you have a 5-year-old around who can point out that you’re “alone”, you’re not really ever alone.
I guess that maybe, in some regards at least, we’re all alone, though.
Nothing to get depressed about…..change and loss are guarantees in this life. Knowing that should make us pay closer attention to how we treat each other when we still have each other….but I know that’s kind of hard.
Life gets busy.
We don’t want to intrude.
You know….I’m sitting here at 5:38 in the morning….listening to Jose Gonzalez on Spotify….typing…typing….drinking coffee…..enjoying the quiet….and, you know?
Loss and some kinds of change ARE something to get depressed about.
You can’t put a spin on it all that takes that completely away.
It IS something to get depressed about.
I miss my parents.
What else is new?
I miss them.
So….it’s something to get depressed about.
Now….staying depressed is a completely different thing.
“Staying depressed” is something that, thankfully, I don’t really have a whole lot of experience with.
Somehow, I think that I’d have to work at staying depressed.
Maybe not….maybe it would come naturally.
Maybe it’s kind of glamorous and expected in the “artistic lifestyle” I might have pursued at some point to feel so deeply and to pursue sadness and depression as some kind of expected “romantic ideal”….like “look at me! Look how deeply I can FEEL!!”… maybe that’s expected.
It’s crazy to pursue something so negative.
And the negative builds on itself, too.
That’s OK….the positive builds on itself, too.
The positive also builds on itself.
So Nate comes up to me and tells me, “You’re ALONE.”
I should have told him, “Well….so are you.”
I should have told him that maybe we could be alone TOGETHER.
That would have been a snappy retort to give a 5-year-old making a pithy observation.
You don’t tell a 5-year-old that he’s alone, though.
What’s the point of that?
I’d be a “bad daddy” if I started doing stuff like telling my child that he’s alone in the world.
No matter how close it is to the truth.
“afterglow” Jose Gonzalez